Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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