I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
