seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
