There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
