I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
