Little spoons don't ask big questions
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
