last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
how does that bad decision feel?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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