Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
