Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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