WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i think my cat just said my name.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
