So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
