I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
