I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
