my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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