I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
