Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
