Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
