i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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