Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
