My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
