my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
