Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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