Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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