I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think your dad took our porno
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
