So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
