well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my shit smells like andre
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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