my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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