The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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