sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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