every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
