His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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