Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I deserve this hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
