I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
