My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Success! We fucked roommates!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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