I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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