He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
