I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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