This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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