I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
