Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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