I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
