My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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