They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
