Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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