he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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