Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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