So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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