watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
