i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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