Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
