At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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