capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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