We won't sleep together?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
