No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
