I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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