I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
