It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
