yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
