when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
