thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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