Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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