if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
