Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
