This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
