I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
