Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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