the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
