If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
