I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
