Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
