Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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