i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
