my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize