I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
