i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
