He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is Oprah even human
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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