that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
