You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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