pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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