No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
