im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
