Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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