So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
